so, last night i prayed for a long time about where i am, where i'm going, what i'm doing, and what i should be doing. and the more i know, the more i realize i don't know.
many of my passions come and go. none of them ever leave me, but there is time devoted to each of them, and like anything else, i'm stricken by certain ones more heavily.
at this point in time, with the threat of this TMJ debacle scares me. the whole "use it or lose it" ideal keeps haunting me. i'm not using my musical talents at all, so maybe God is trying to show me just how important these gifts are to me. and i have this fire burning in me to write and sing. this has always been scary to me because being vulnerable through music has always been difficult. it's the quickest way to my heart and if there's a person i trust and admire who says "meh, she's ok" or "um...wow, i expected more" i know i'll just close up and never want to do anything ever again. but i know i owe it to myself to dedicate myself to this project and to follow through it with discipline. i hope this makes sense because i'm not totally focused. i just want to have fun with music again.
i want to use my music to make me feel again. to want to cry because of something so God-inspired and beautiful.
so here goes nothing...or everything. whichever.
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1 comment:
i almost cry just reading this...:')
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