think.think. BOOM!!

it's been another thinking day, due a lot to the fact that i'm reading a philosophically heavy book, and i didn't get much/enough sleep last night.
but i just keep thinking about morality.
i was reading my friend ashley's myspace blog and she was talking about how each day there's something in it that she wishes she could do over again. nothing life-changing, but just things. and i guess the one thing i can say is that it's nice to not be alone in that thought. but it's pretty sad if i feel that something needs to be changed every day. i don't know.
there are just some times when i feel like i need to vent...but there's no one to go to. chris can only handle so much. he's not strong in certain areas...same as me. and it usually just ends up complicating things even more, so not only am i dealing with my venting issue, there's also chris. ugh. i just don't know.
i'm just not happy where i am.
i don't know where i would be had i not started exercising. because seriously, that just may be the highlight of my day. haha, which isn't the worst thing, i guess...but it's still...pretty lame.
maybe i should just make a list of things i don't like...
yep.

things i don't like:
*secrets being kept from me
*lies
*desperation
*selfishness
*rudeness
*melodrama
*divas
*how my clock won't stop falling off my bedpost
*losing
*insensitivity
*being misunderstood
*fat
*pity (both from self and others)
*having no gas so i can't have coffee dates
*having no job to pay my bills
*when my mother unexpectedly snaps at me
*overdraft charges when they shouldn't even EXIST.
*cold feet
*bitterness
*repetition
(wow, i'm actually starting to feel a little better)
*jealousy
*cankles
*white shoes
*not being needed
*symmetry
*that all my good friends aren't here
*unnecessary noise
*complaints (hahaha, appropriate that i'm making a list right now, right?)
*nasally singing voices
*cockiness
*being ignored
*OCD in relation to continual computer use

okay...i think i'll just stop there. but that's definitely helped. i now remember why everything seemed a bit easier when i wrote all the time. i could write it down and then just leave it. resolve it somewhat in my mind. however, the way i am, i must make a list of things that is at LEAST as long about things that i like.

things i like:
*children's laughter
*spring rain showers
*tulips & calililies
*the last exercise on my pilate video
*lying under a piano and being surrounded, engulfed in sound
*smooth, shaven legs
*andy vaught's hugs (hahah, i almost wrote "jugs"...hahahhaah)
*singing at the mirror as high as i can with my mouth open as wide as i can (i'm alway alone, of course)
*elephants, of course
*music of all kinds
*fresh french fries
*blueberry tea
*coffee dates with nate
*the freckle under chris's right eye
*when chris sings from his heart...or really does ANYTHING from his heart.
*literary sarcasm
*"Broken Wings" by Rebekah Gene Liston
*wind on warmer days
*stars
*red shoes
*liza swart's hair
*giggling & sighing
*sweaters
*green eyes
*well-maintained man hands
*good, solid naps
*numerical palindromes! like...12:21 as it is right now.
*oranges
*mashed potatoes
*languages
*artsy photos

i guess that's all for right now. there are still a lot of things worth thinking about, but all in time, i suppose. i remember when i didn't like to think so much. but now it's not so bad. goodnight.