God really does close doors...

i remember when i was applying to grad school in OKcity, and i asked God to close the doors if this wasn't supposed to happen.
and during the entire process i had no qualms about it.
and then i get the letter yesterday.
apparently, God's just not wanting me to go. i just thought God would wait a minute so that i could get my neck out of the way.
so, ok. the only question i can think to ask is "what's next?"...if chris gets in, and he does decide to go, will i go with him? if he really wants to go, i will be right by him with all the support one can muster. but dear God, that'll be difficult.
but i would really be so happy if he got in. he needs to know from somewhere that he's good at this. someone needs to tell him other than me.
but now, i deal with my own doubts.
i failed my hearing last year.
i don't get into grad school.
they don't want me.
so, what do i do now?
is it time for me to face "the rest of my life"?
i'm not ready.
i don't want to be unhappy.
i don't know what to do.
i had a dream last night about living at home, above my mother, and i was happy. i remember that more than anything.
i was happy.
and i know that in time, everything will be better.
but it's just that whole time thing.
i'm not MEANT to go to grad school?
maybe God sees how petrified i am of real life, and so it would be a good idea for me to go on completely unprepared???
i have no clues into what God's methods really are.