on this winter's night with you...

i love the winter. it's coming quickly, but we definitely haven't experienced the artic blasts yet.
however, reports and studies have shown that people tend to kill themselves more often in the winter...because it's a melancholy and highly depressed time of the year. people can't buy presents for their children for christmas. they have no one to kiss on the new year. people are grieving the awful departure of friends and loved ones that they've lost.
today i came to learn that something happened with the payment of my cingular bill and therefore, my service was temporarily disconnected (it still may be; i don't have my phone with me at this time)...and so i called my mom with chris's phone.
and she had been worried about me. because GAP had called her about me missing work (PURELY accidental), and then i was busy yesterday and didn't return her call...and then today she tried to call me on her lunch hour only to hear my phone say that i wouldn't be accepting phone calls at this time...so, she thought i was in trouble because i was susceptible to bouts of depression "like my father", she said. and it just made me stop and take a look at my life.
do i really seem THAT unhappy? true, i hate transition. and i hate not being able to provide for myself. true, i've been having a rough time with friends (or lack thereof), and there are a lot of things that i've been trying to better in myself. which inevitably makes me worse at first.
but i am happy. i think happiness is a mindset. your attitude is everything. i don't hate everything. i do what i can to the best of my ability. all these things that i have trouble with right now...will pass.
yes, i'm alone. i'm a singleton. but i don't think that's the worst thing for me. right now, though i hate to admit it, i think it's the BEST thing for me. how can i work on the things in my life without first grabbing onto God with my everything...and then letting someone else grab on to me?
so, sure. things aren't the greatest. but i love the coming winter. because of the peace it brings. because of the lights that shine in the darkness.