another man's shoes

continued faithfulness was too good to be true.
it hurts more than i care to share.
and then i think about how it must be in his shoes. how they must be so painful.
so heavy.
i could not bear to walk in them.
no matter how much shame or guilt i feel or heartache,
his soul must be filled with all these feelings.
what makes him do it?
what makes him hurt himself over and over again?
for just a few hours?
my heart is on fire yet my body is like ice.
i feel feverish all over, and i want to cry and i want to scream and punch.
i want to know everything and nothing.
and the room is spinning and things i believe in are worth naught.
people are people. not God.
people make mistake after mistake.
sex is cheapened to mean nothing more than selfishness.
gifts are made into manipulations.
i want to see life.
i want to feel hope.
i want to feel love.
and warmth and joy.
strength.
i want to rest in the arms of an angel.
if only for just a moment.
or maybe a few hours.
i want to understand.
i don't want to feel destitute.
i don't want to feel despair any longer.
i want to breathe fresh air.
i have chills all along my body.
it has gone cold. not even a blanket of warmth can give me back feeling.
and my heart is now cold. the last embers of joy are dwindling.
but there is always hope.
and i am so grateful that i do not walk miles in anyone's shoes but my own.
God, grant me strength, wisdom, understanding, peace, but most of all, above anything else, love and compassion.