big fat liar

i think i've gotten into the awful habit of occasionally lying to myself.
and i don't realize it until i have these super moments of clarity when i can see what exactly i'm doing, or what i'm missing. and then i just want to slap myself in the face.
i usually do.
i've lived fully for 23 & 3/4 years...and i wonder where i will be in 23 & 3/4 more.
wonder. it's a good thing to have. i think wonder inspires hope. if you forget to look at things through new eyes, you don't ever see anything new and then i think your hope begins to die.
i think that may be why it's so hard for me to work at the bank on some days. every morning, no matter from where i'm coming, once i walk through that door, i pick up my attitude and know that i will do my very best that day, and that i'm not always going to be there if i'm going to be unhappy. and yet, there are a couple young girls around me who are paid very well, who do their job very well, but seldom do i hear a positive or encouraging word uttered from their lips. maybe it's because they both have problems with each other. but regardless, this is no excuse to be so sour as soon as you walk through the door! they have a responsibility to set an example for themselves and for everyone else. do they not enjoy helping people every day? then LEAVE! do something you love! or deal with your life! because i seriously don't want to hear about something you don't take the time on to fix.
maybe that's me being insensitive or naive. i really just hope it's me being truthful. times are hard, things don't always work out the way you plan, but things can ALWAYS be worse! and they WILL be. so enjoy the moment for what it is! enjoy the breath you are taking in, even if it's suffocated with sweltering heat!
and i know i don't always take this advice. but i'm going to. starting right now. i will hold myself accountable for my attitude. God knows EXACTLY what He's doing. every minute of every day. and i need to learn how to trust that.