hunh...life is something else.

you know, i think i'm more Grace than i realized. and i don't know how much i like it. i swear, i've been "such a good friend" to so many guys.
guys who say i'm beautiful and have so much to offer...and all the while i'm staring back at them saying, why am i not beautiful enough for you?
and then i find out, hello! a couple years later, they're ALL GAY.
now, don't get me wrong. i don't mind them being gay.
but before, when they said all that 'beautiful' junk and then dated one of my best friends? yeah, hard to swallow.
kyle was the first guy i ever denied a kiss.
and then he did all these things to try to prove himself.
and he was gay all that time?
what the HELL does that mean?
i'm not really disappointed or sad or anything.
i think i just needed a good sulk.
it just seems that life is one big ironic stone thrown at my face lately.
meh. whatev. life will always go on.
i'll just make sure that i end up with someone who is not remotely attractive, or at least someone i don't find attractive. because then he MUSt be straight, right?
hahahaha, DOUBTFUL! oh well, maybe he'll be attractive to chris. something good could come out of all these friendships, yes?
it's fine.
really, it is.
fine, i'm fine.
but sometimes, it'd be nice to be better than fine.
time for me to stop taking certain things for granted, i'd say.
and there's always chris.
i love him. and i'm content to wait. until God hands me someone. if He decides to, that is. because really, honestly....maybe i'm just not meant to experience those things in my life.