sometimes i forget

there was a whispering in my ear today. in the midst of a lot of occupational turmoil, i was told there would be clear skies tonight. i thought i would go for a walk and try to remember to look up at the stars.

and i did.

i got home, and though it was chilly, i took the time to just bask in the glory. troubles vanished, thoughts dissipated, and it was just me and God and all his magnificent creation. and i worshiped.

sometimes i forget that though i breathe day in and day out (praise God), i am not in control. this breath that i breathe is a present. what happens if i don't wake up tomorrow? what if this is my very last night? why kill myself with the problems i can't change? why worry myself to death when the very thing that i can do most and best is to pray? God will guide me through the darkness. "yea, even though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i fear no evil, for Thou art with me."

jealousy/anger/fear has a way of creeping up on me and swallowing every good thought. instead of being overjoyed that a person may have found love, these thieves will turn the feelings of happiness into cynicism and nagging questions of "when will it be MY turn? why doesn't he love ME? cry cry cry, sniffle sniffle sniffle." and i'm just tired of being like that. where's my heart? and when did it get so far off track?

life could be so much worse. i need to be thankful for the things i am fortunate enough to have, take the bad with the good, and not get caught up in all the extra junk that ultimately has no effect on my life.

*sigh* sweet dreams.