"i don't wanna be Jesus"

i just awoke from the strangest dream. i will do what i can to keep it in its entire true form and describe it as vividly as i felt it.

i was back on the huntington campus to visit some friends, but as i started walking around, i realized that i didn't know anyone. i was looking for pose, or hayley, or deanna...anyone, really. but i kept walking through the cold, without a coat, the beauty and music of the campus gone, until i got into the library (which had a Subway sandwich station inside). now as i walked in, there were these booths that people were sitting in reading. and as soon as i started to look around, i saw this little girl pop up on top of the counter with her face painted white along with a single tear (one of the very popular mime faces, of course). and she started dancing. like kristen dances. just very graceful and sweeping with lots of emotion and without music. it was like the music was inside this girl and she wanted it to come out for everyone to hear it. i saw that she was just so sad. then, in walks bill fisher who is staring at the girl, at no one else. he rips her down off the counter and she kind of folds in two and then he drags her out of there into his office. at seeing this i was completely astonished and had no idea what to think of what was going on, and kristen walks in. i tell her about what had just happened and she said "i know; that's how i got this." and she raised up the entire back of her shirt to reveal this spine-length scar. i just mouth an "oh" and didn't address it any further.
i knew i needed to save this girl. so i walked to bill's office so hear no screaming, no fighting or flailing. just silence. and as i peered through the windows of his office, i saw all my friends in these bottles. (like the size of nalgene bottles but shaped like old-school coke bottles.) this is where i find pose, and hayley, and deanna, and drew wutke, and many more of my music friends as well. my breath was taken away and all i could do was stare until kristen broke this trance by saying, "i fought. that's why i'm here and not in one of those jars. they all tried, but he's very strong. he doesn't like passion."
out of sheer disbelief, and then panic, i start to run out of the HUB and toward the new dorm building, to seek some type of refuge from this craziness. and as i ran i got hit in the back of the leg with a rock by bill. (this ended up giving me a charlie horse in my sleep.) but i was too far ahead and was safely inside the dorms (it was like i was a gypsy crying out for 'sanctuary' from the madness outside. note: i did watch Hunchback Of Notre Dame this week.)
now as soon as i arrived inside, it was like i was in a museum built for art. but there was no art. no paintings. no statues. nothing on the walls. so i took out these pastel paints from my back pocket, along with a rolled-up piece of parchment from under my right arm. i laid them out and began to paint with these broad, rich strokes colors of brilliance and warmth. i was painting this knowing that it was meant to bring beauty and love into this place. to show that i would protect those who were persecuted and shelter those who couldn't shelter themselves. and i kept painting, painting faster and faster until from behind, i was jerked up, away and folded in half, being dragged backwards as the little girl had been, staring at the tiles as they quickly swept past me. i was terrified, because i didn't want to become a capture in a trophy bottle. but i didn't struggle. i didn't try to free myself. bill threw me into a corner of the museum's room to trap me. and as he inched closer and closer, i saw people walking all around, to and from classes, and so i yelled out for some help. but no one stopped. all their faces were cast down, solemn and grave. as bill flew toward me, i pushed up with my feet and kept going higher and higher every time bill lunged until i got caught on this nail that was jutting out from the wall and once i was stuck there, bill smiled satisfactorily, admiring his work, and walked away.
still people walked by, but they didn't stop. they didn't speak. they didn't look up. and i was up there, resigned to the fact that i would remain here because no one could see. i couldn't breathe.
and it slowly morphed into a hillside, where there were two other nails on either side of me in the room. two were hanging as i was and no one dared to take us down. and then, i felt like i was Jesus. there was suddenly a mass of people around, doing nothing to help me and i knew i was to die here. no one cared. no one understood. and i was devastated. my heart grew heavy along with my eyelids, and i knew i was to die. i just wanted people to understand what love means. that anywhere, love can be found. and then, i cried softly "i don't wanna be Jesus."

i woke up in a sweat, tired and stiff, but i couldn't go back to sleep. i started telling the dream to chris and i couldn't hold back my emotions. it just puts things into more of a perspective for me...