time.

tick-tock goes the clock in my life.
i haven't done a great many things.
and i haven't really done great things.
but i wish to.
i was just thinking about how i haven't seen things that i wish to see.
i haven't even had a vacation in longer than a year...i've been working and working since i got my wells fargo job. i haven't had more than 2 days off at a time. this i find to be ridiculous. am i waiting for someone to schedule a vacation FOR me? apparently, yes.
i'm sitting here, seeing where all my friends are now, where they may be going, all the things that are constantly changing in their lives, lives filled with excitement.
and then here i am, sitting in my desolate fort wayne apartment, taking my next "adventurous" step to carmel, indiana. have i not said that i'm NOT a fan of indiana? i make plans that never come to fruition, and then i sit here make ridiculously depressing posts about how i wish, how i hope, how i want.
i have this poem that i wrote the very day before katie died, talking about the sound of the african drum and the pulling of my heartstrings to a foreign world.

i'm pretty sure i just make things a lot harder than necessary. i used to not be that way. i used to not think all the time. i used to be a little kid. why do i need an apartment, a car and insurance payment, a cell phone...
and it all boils down to time. and what is most important.
i want to experience life, not just watch it slip past.