the past few days have shown about me. christmas eve i woke up to find jack who had crumpled up my beautiful red phone in his jowls. having lost many of my work contacts, i just sucked it up and said that it would still be a good day.
later that day, still christmas eve, my engine died. and i wanted to. but then, as soon as i said 'God, i can't handle this right now!!' a man came along, kept me warm in his truck, and he called a towing service to come get my car free of charge as a favor to sam. (that was the name of the man who stopped to help me.)
so, then, i was car-less. chris came and picked me up so that i could spend the holiday with my family, and then he drove me back on wednesday for work and i stayed two nights with gina and had her to take me back and forth. then i thought, well, i guess i just need to find a way to get another car. so carl, mom's new friend came and picked me up this morning, where we talked about life and love and things of the heart and mind, and then he brought me home so that i could use the net to browse and seek some options. i called my grandparents to ask them if they would help me and they were very hesitant, so i just said i would try to see what i could do on my own. fact is, i couldn't do anything. with my credit being the way it is, i couldn't be approved for anything and i was just really down and beside myself in desperation. so then i prayed, and i thought about how gina had prayed and how barb had said that she hoped i would find something good.
then chris came home after spending some time with a friend the night before and i told him about what all was happening and how i didn't think i would be able to get a car and i didn't know what other transportation i had available to me. but he said not to worry because shaun was going to be staying with us for a few weeks, so that still left us with two vehicles, and shaun could just take chris to work every day. so, that calmed me down quite a bit. we then decided to go for chris's check at the mall before he had to work (i had the day off) and as we were talking about how things would eventually work out, an elderly woman pulled out in front of us and we t-boned her. completely, 100% her fault, and tore up her passenger-side door, and chris's front of the car was just ruined. it looks so awful. so then we were back to square one where neither of us had transportation and we had to see what shaun would be willing to do. after a police report, two sore necks, a badly bruised knee, and a slow drive back home, we were finished with that awful incident.
so then my dad called and he was with my grandparents and they volunteered to come down and check stuff out with me. and i felt absolutely awful because it was freezing and it was raining and it was just really really gross out. but they came and got me anyway. and we went to the kia dealers. and after a few hours, i drove away with my very own brand new car! it's beautiful and i'm so overwhelmed. and i can't believe that i actually have a dependable car to drive to work every day.
and i didn't realize just how overly stressed i have been the past couple days. the amount of weight that lifted as i drove away with a new car was amazing, and i just feel so tired now. no more adrenaline, no more stressing about how i'm getting to work tomorrow. everything is all okay.
we're taking chris's car into a body shop tomorrow to see how much damage has been done and hopefully we'll be able to get something done for him. i don't know; it's just a really awful situation. it would be one thing had it been his fault, but he just didn't have any control.
what an ordeal, you know?
12.28.2007
12.21.2007
what if?
i was driving to work yesterday and saw a billboard for taylor university, stating that it was the #1 baccalaureate college in the U.S...though i find that hard to believe i did think about how that would be impressive to state on a resume or application for some new exciting job. and then i was thinking, what if i had gone to taylor? who would i be? would i have stuck with music performance or would i have changed it to something different? what kind of friends would i have made?
and that was the big question.
i know that there have been times when i have knocked huntington, saying i'm not a fan or whatnot, or that it's just too small or we're in a bubble. but even in that small bubble, i have learned so many things about the world. i've come into contact with many "problems" that exist, and while i may not understand all the knowledge i've come to find, i can appreciate it and learn from it all.
there are a lot of beliefs and faith systems out there, and instead of dismissing it all like i would have before college, now i take the time to listen and understand more of the world around me.
i can remember before college having only one gay friend. and how i felt about him. and my, how much i have learned and grown. i've had lots of conversations with friends about homosexuality: how they all need to be loved just a bit more than everyone else, or how they need to be listened to, understood, and told that everything will be all right.
i remember my first semester of college, writing a worldview for one of my history classes. and then i remember writing it again my last semester there. and while a few of my thoughts and ideas changed, a few things remained constant: He is faithful and constant. God always loves, always cares, and always protects. every man was created in His image. and we are called to love them as we love ourselves. do not judge; to not underestimate; always be willing to learn about the world around you.
i went to a private Christian school to broaden my worldview. and i did.
i know there are still a lot of things that i don't know about, or things in my head that i have wrong, and i know there are still things about myself that i don't like. but there are a lot of things i am glad to know about myself and lots of things i am proud of that make me who i am and what i know. i wish for everyone to be able to look back a year out of college and see these same things. it's what you make of it, not what you wait for it to bring you. that's all.
so, it's great that taylor has such a great rating...but i'd still pick huntington again. i'm sure there's a lot more to say here.
and that was the big question.
i know that there have been times when i have knocked huntington, saying i'm not a fan or whatnot, or that it's just too small or we're in a bubble. but even in that small bubble, i have learned so many things about the world. i've come into contact with many "problems" that exist, and while i may not understand all the knowledge i've come to find, i can appreciate it and learn from it all.
there are a lot of beliefs and faith systems out there, and instead of dismissing it all like i would have before college, now i take the time to listen and understand more of the world around me.
i can remember before college having only one gay friend. and how i felt about him. and my, how much i have learned and grown. i've had lots of conversations with friends about homosexuality: how they all need to be loved just a bit more than everyone else, or how they need to be listened to, understood, and told that everything will be all right.
i remember my first semester of college, writing a worldview for one of my history classes. and then i remember writing it again my last semester there. and while a few of my thoughts and ideas changed, a few things remained constant: He is faithful and constant. God always loves, always cares, and always protects. every man was created in His image. and we are called to love them as we love ourselves. do not judge; to not underestimate; always be willing to learn about the world around you.
i went to a private Christian school to broaden my worldview. and i did.
i know there are still a lot of things that i don't know about, or things in my head that i have wrong, and i know there are still things about myself that i don't like. but there are a lot of things i am glad to know about myself and lots of things i am proud of that make me who i am and what i know. i wish for everyone to be able to look back a year out of college and see these same things. it's what you make of it, not what you wait for it to bring you. that's all.
so, it's great that taylor has such a great rating...but i'd still pick huntington again. i'm sure there's a lot more to say here.
12.18.2007
let your hearts be light
christmas music...mmmm...i love it. always puts me in the mood for christmas and decorating.
i was in meijer today and saw alabama's christmas album. had i not grown up hearing my mother play it every morning starting the day after thanksgiving, i'm sure i would have just strolled right on by. but today i stopped, picked it up, looked at the back and sang a little bit from each track, smiled and sighed, and put it back in the rack. that's happiness, folks. nothing like remembering your family during the holidays.
then when chris and i were scurrying around glenbrook mall, we ran into sherry and emily. i found out sadly that my cousin phil broke up with his girlfriend sara, while everyone was certain they were going to marry one another. i worried about my dear one, but he's a big boy and i have to remember he can take care of himself. i just love 'im.
i've been congested the past couple days, thinking maybe i'm allergic to a kitty, but i may be sick (who knows?) so i bought some nasal spray and used it for the first time about ten minutes ago, and MAN! i don't think i've ever breathed this well!
during my day off today, i got nothing accomplished. i keep telling myself that i'm going to do laundry, i'm going to clean my room, i'm going to do this and that and that...but then i decide to sleep. not a bad choice, i must say, but i haven't learned the balance between resting and hibernating. :-)
i've been thinking about my brother a lot the past couple days. he's tried to get ahold of me quite a bit lately to talk with me about his life's struggles, but i've always been at work. i love him so much even though we are so very little alike. we have the same mother but we've both had different lives with her. different pieces of time. different memories and arguments. and i love him. it will be nice to see him during christmas. i sometimes wish he just lived closer so i could smother him with hugs. i want him to always know how much he is loved. if not by anyone else, me. i love him, i love him.
today's been a very emotional day for me. i can't quite understand why. but i've already cried twice and i can't really dissect where it's all coming from. it has probably just been building up from weeks ago. after so much accumulation my senses go into overload and i just have to purge myself of all emotion.
speaking of emotion, about running into my mom on friday while christmas shopping at JP...she told me that she is now officially Diane Owsley again. and i really wish i would have had something to say more than "oh, really? wow..." and i know she was glad, and in all reality, i know it's better for her. but then it made me start thinking about dad and adel. more adel. i just feel so bad for him. he's old and alone and stuck in kendallville with no money and no one wants to hire him because of his age.
all of this makes me dwell upon the simple principle that everyone, no matter who they are, how they act, where they've been in life, EVERYONE needs to be loved. needs to be cared for. and who is willing to take on the task? who's patient enough? who allows themselves to succumb to God's will and sacrifice time and energy to someone who may never have known how to share of themselves emotionally? who may have never been taught to care about another person other than himself?
i know God made it so that i would care about these things...but how can i affect change? how do i make the greatest impact or bear the greatest influence? when will being loved by God be enough?
and it never fails during this season, i think of linus in charlie brown's christmas, shining in the spotlight spouting off his monologue from matthew. and it makes me all warm inside. "that's what christmas is all about, charlie brown."
forever and ever, amen.
well, time for more decorating whilst burl ives serenades me...
i was in meijer today and saw alabama's christmas album. had i not grown up hearing my mother play it every morning starting the day after thanksgiving, i'm sure i would have just strolled right on by. but today i stopped, picked it up, looked at the back and sang a little bit from each track, smiled and sighed, and put it back in the rack. that's happiness, folks. nothing like remembering your family during the holidays.
then when chris and i were scurrying around glenbrook mall, we ran into sherry and emily. i found out sadly that my cousin phil broke up with his girlfriend sara, while everyone was certain they were going to marry one another. i worried about my dear one, but he's a big boy and i have to remember he can take care of himself. i just love 'im.
i've been congested the past couple days, thinking maybe i'm allergic to a kitty, but i may be sick (who knows?) so i bought some nasal spray and used it for the first time about ten minutes ago, and MAN! i don't think i've ever breathed this well!
during my day off today, i got nothing accomplished. i keep telling myself that i'm going to do laundry, i'm going to clean my room, i'm going to do this and that and that...but then i decide to sleep. not a bad choice, i must say, but i haven't learned the balance between resting and hibernating. :-)
i've been thinking about my brother a lot the past couple days. he's tried to get ahold of me quite a bit lately to talk with me about his life's struggles, but i've always been at work. i love him so much even though we are so very little alike. we have the same mother but we've both had different lives with her. different pieces of time. different memories and arguments. and i love him. it will be nice to see him during christmas. i sometimes wish he just lived closer so i could smother him with hugs. i want him to always know how much he is loved. if not by anyone else, me. i love him, i love him.
today's been a very emotional day for me. i can't quite understand why. but i've already cried twice and i can't really dissect where it's all coming from. it has probably just been building up from weeks ago. after so much accumulation my senses go into overload and i just have to purge myself of all emotion.
speaking of emotion, about running into my mom on friday while christmas shopping at JP...she told me that she is now officially Diane Owsley again. and i really wish i would have had something to say more than "oh, really? wow..." and i know she was glad, and in all reality, i know it's better for her. but then it made me start thinking about dad and adel. more adel. i just feel so bad for him. he's old and alone and stuck in kendallville with no money and no one wants to hire him because of his age.
all of this makes me dwell upon the simple principle that everyone, no matter who they are, how they act, where they've been in life, EVERYONE needs to be loved. needs to be cared for. and who is willing to take on the task? who's patient enough? who allows themselves to succumb to God's will and sacrifice time and energy to someone who may never have known how to share of themselves emotionally? who may have never been taught to care about another person other than himself?
i know God made it so that i would care about these things...but how can i affect change? how do i make the greatest impact or bear the greatest influence? when will being loved by God be enough?
and it never fails during this season, i think of linus in charlie brown's christmas, shining in the spotlight spouting off his monologue from matthew. and it makes me all warm inside. "that's what christmas is all about, charlie brown."
forever and ever, amen.
well, time for more decorating whilst burl ives serenades me...
12.17.2007
lots of good thoughts...
i had a lot of good thoughts today and i tried to remember them all so that i could share them on here, but alas, they've all escaped me. but it's ok, i guess. at least i know that at the time they came to me they were much appreciated and i learned a little bit.
at the moment, the addition of the kitty is proving to be a bit...perplexing. not to mention i think i may be allergic. so yes, kitty: please wave your tail along the underside of my nose. bite my chin and mew like there is no tomorrow. because if you keep it up, there ain't gonna be! updownupdowndownupclawinoutinout! ahhh!!! achooo!
i ran into my mom while christmas shopping on friday. it was a wonderful surprise for me. moments before spotting her, i was walking about jefferson pointe, listening to a particularly wonderful rendition of "have yourself a merry little christmas" and watching couples scurrying in and out from the cold. i sighed a little, loving the holiday season and then what to my eyes should appear? but my mother. hehehe
so we shared our dinner and our lives for a good couple hours and then headed over to pier 1, looked around for awhile and eventually parted ways. it was a good time.
in other news. my car is a magnet for making friends. :-) while bundling up and preparing to drive to gina's house after working a shift (it was last night with all the freezing rain and snow and i wasn't crazy enough to be driving home in that) i hopped in my car only to find that my battery was drained of all power due to the fact that i had LEFT MY LIGHTS ON! BOOOO! so i called in to the mall security office, but as i was talking with them about my troubles, one of my fellow coworkers and his manager friend from hot topic were pulling by and offered their assistance. this is when i bonded with james (said hot topic manager). he's a lot of fun and we have a lot of the same interests which i was able to learn about as i sucked the juice from his battery into my own. unfortunately, we just weren't getting enough power and so i went into sears and bought a much-needed battery. then he helped install it, and come to find out, i ruined his battery. so he had to buy one too. great thing was that he wasn't mad. i'll repay him somehow. :-) but yeah...good kid. and i mean, he sacrificed a good hour and a half trying to help this girl out. what a guy, what a guy.
hahahah, wow. there's nothing like hearing the spice girls' movie SPICE WORLD playing outside my bedroom. what's chris thinking? hahahahaha...spice up your life!!
well, i'm feeling a bit droopy and drippy, both from fatigue and cat dander. i'm turning in now. goodnight, world.
at the moment, the addition of the kitty is proving to be a bit...perplexing. not to mention i think i may be allergic. so yes, kitty: please wave your tail along the underside of my nose. bite my chin and mew like there is no tomorrow. because if you keep it up, there ain't gonna be! updownupdowndownupclawinoutinout! ahhh!!! achooo!
i ran into my mom while christmas shopping on friday. it was a wonderful surprise for me. moments before spotting her, i was walking about jefferson pointe, listening to a particularly wonderful rendition of "have yourself a merry little christmas" and watching couples scurrying in and out from the cold. i sighed a little, loving the holiday season and then what to my eyes should appear? but my mother. hehehe
so we shared our dinner and our lives for a good couple hours and then headed over to pier 1, looked around for awhile and eventually parted ways. it was a good time.
in other news. my car is a magnet for making friends. :-) while bundling up and preparing to drive to gina's house after working a shift (it was last night with all the freezing rain and snow and i wasn't crazy enough to be driving home in that) i hopped in my car only to find that my battery was drained of all power due to the fact that i had LEFT MY LIGHTS ON! BOOOO! so i called in to the mall security office, but as i was talking with them about my troubles, one of my fellow coworkers and his manager friend from hot topic were pulling by and offered their assistance. this is when i bonded with james (said hot topic manager). he's a lot of fun and we have a lot of the same interests which i was able to learn about as i sucked the juice from his battery into my own. unfortunately, we just weren't getting enough power and so i went into sears and bought a much-needed battery. then he helped install it, and come to find out, i ruined his battery. so he had to buy one too. great thing was that he wasn't mad. i'll repay him somehow. :-) but yeah...good kid. and i mean, he sacrificed a good hour and a half trying to help this girl out. what a guy, what a guy.
hahahah, wow. there's nothing like hearing the spice girls' movie SPICE WORLD playing outside my bedroom. what's chris thinking? hahahahaha...spice up your life!!
well, i'm feeling a bit droopy and drippy, both from fatigue and cat dander. i'm turning in now. goodnight, world.
12.06.2007
to sleep; perchance, to dream...
dreams can have a great influence over the beginning of my days. such as the transitional dream i had from last night to this morning...it made me want to stay in bed all day, because i didn't want it to end. and i had a dream within a dream, making dream no.2 feel so real that i could have sworn it was real life. but alas, it wasn't.
and i had a dream about a boy that i once liked but had just closed the door on it all. but the dream gave him another chance. and i feel so dumb, to think that a dream can have any form of truth in it. i guess the only truth it had in it was a projection of my feelings that i've tried to hide at one time or another.
bleh. could i just stop being a girl for two seconds? nope, i guess not.
*sigh*
maybe one day i'll be brave...
and i had a dream about a boy that i once liked but had just closed the door on it all. but the dream gave him another chance. and i feel so dumb, to think that a dream can have any form of truth in it. i guess the only truth it had in it was a projection of my feelings that i've tried to hide at one time or another.
bleh. could i just stop being a girl for two seconds? nope, i guess not.
*sigh*
maybe one day i'll be brave...
12.04.2007
bubble-gum pop girl is not a pretty color on me.
ok. if you're a girl, you may understand this blog a lot more than any guy.
with that being said, i just got done reading a lot of my posts from this site, and i just shake my head. this is the part of being a girl that i just don't know how to enjoy. don't get me wrong: there are some fun, good posts. but i should never write about why love is absent in my life. for one, love is never absent. strike one against me for my immaturity. ugh. and two: some things just never need to be talked about. so, if this is the first time you'll be reading this, just don't read through the archives...unless you're really desperate for some laughs or if you need to feel a little better about yourself. man oh man.
i was going to write about something important today, but i can't for the life of me remember what it was going to be about. figures. maybe that's why today is a day off for me. just supposed to relax in every sense of the word. hmph.
with that being said, i just got done reading a lot of my posts from this site, and i just shake my head. this is the part of being a girl that i just don't know how to enjoy. don't get me wrong: there are some fun, good posts. but i should never write about why love is absent in my life. for one, love is never absent. strike one against me for my immaturity. ugh. and two: some things just never need to be talked about. so, if this is the first time you'll be reading this, just don't read through the archives...unless you're really desperate for some laughs or if you need to feel a little better about yourself. man oh man.
i was going to write about something important today, but i can't for the life of me remember what it was going to be about. figures. maybe that's why today is a day off for me. just supposed to relax in every sense of the word. hmph.
12.01.2007
continuum
i'm listening to john mayer, who always gives me one of the best writing vibes. not to mention sitting at a desk makes it so wonderful as well. :-) chris got a new one, and i am loving his hand-me-down. yay!
i rearranged my room and it seems a bit more homey...and i think i've been needing that. i don't know. maybe i like it because it feels a bit more like a college dorm room. a desk does that.
there are so many things to talk about but it's too late. i have to work tomorrow.
and i have to pick up my car at wal-mart before taking off to work. ha. more on that later!
well, this is all for now. oh, john mayer...lovelovelove.
off to my wonderful world of make-believe dreams...
i rearranged my room and it seems a bit more homey...and i think i've been needing that. i don't know. maybe i like it because it feels a bit more like a college dorm room. a desk does that.
there are so many things to talk about but it's too late. i have to work tomorrow.
and i have to pick up my car at wal-mart before taking off to work. ha. more on that later!
well, this is all for now. oh, john mayer...lovelovelove.
off to my wonderful world of make-believe dreams...
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