crappy valentine's day with debbie downer...

i'm heartsick.
and i don't even have anyone that i want to be with.
and i'm not lonely.
i'm just...yep. heartsick.
confused.
it's like, there are all those people who have had a billion relationships (collectively), and they say that i can't understand them until i've experienced it. alone on valentine's day is apparently better than being dumped right before.
and so i sit here, thinking if i could just understand...have one relationship. then i would see. i could relate with others.
but it's not even worth it.
i don't want to have a relationship to prove something.
does that even make any sense?
all i know is that there is a person out there at this very moment who wants to give me a big hug...and there's no way to get there.
and right now, i think that's all i really, really need.
being sick sucks.
so does being on your period.
but it simply takes the cake when they're both simultaneous events.
again...burying myself in the 3-foot snow drifts seems a lot better than dealing with these thoughts of mine.