feelings...

i try to run from how you made me feel.
i knew you for...a couple weeks, and you left a distinct impression on me.
one that made me feel like i meant something.
that you looked at me and i fidgeted because i was so exposed and vulnerable.
you made me look at who i was, and not feel ashamed, or feel like something needed to change.
but you liked me for who i was, where i was. everything.
at least, i thought you did.
but you don't write anymore.
and you've forgotten.
and so it leads me to believe that anything you may have thought of me has vanished; out of sight, out of mind.
and this hurts more than i thought it would.
and it's something that haunts me unexpectedly.
and i can't shake it; and when it hits me i can't move.
everything within me wants to cry out, to sob; but my pride covers it up, by saying that these feelings aren't real, or that i shouldn't be feeling them, because i barely knew you.
but the things i knew were real. and the feelings i had were true. and i was giddy when i saw you through the window; and i was excited when i knew you were going to be standing next to me. and my heart pounded through my skin when you grazed my skin.
and there was something there.
and now it's gone.
and i really don't know what to do with myself.
besides doing the only thing i know and say, 'meh. it doesn't matter.'
and all of this is easier to write than to say out loud.
and i don't know why, and i don't want to take time to realize why.
so here it is, my heart laid bare...and you don't want it.